It’s the shortest way to God, to walk through the desert, I was told …
I’m from a river -town,
My bio, instead of hate within me started with, sorry, love. Admitted, love to myself, hurt by the callous voices sounding from the adults. Now, in my aging days I realized, it was their being over-stressed, by what was ‘normal life’ then, after the war and in the common race for some goals, generally to become ‘better’, wealthier, more honored, than the neighbor.
What I missed all my early childhood, did I find in two teachers one beautiful motherly Woman, when I was 12 and one fine man in his thirtieth by whom I was introduced into empathetic culture, Kafka, St. Exupery, Hemingway, Thornton Wilder aso, my projected love was reflected by them two: she opened my heart to history of life and of mankind and he to the culture of heart in man, called poetry.
While studying for to become teacher, via young Marx I entered the idea of Materialistic Philosophy ‘Not only to interpret the world differently, but to change it” and Marx gave me the concept of ‘alienation’ as the necessary psychic deformation of man in capitalism, which subsumed all my personal experience in my first 20 years. Then: Beatles, ‘Kennedy’ Vietnam happened and so on, but not hate, but outrage burned in me, when I got the grade.
Followed by one year as teacher myself, getting the sack via hysteric parent (“he is selling
drug sto the children”) and weak school-board … ok, in old age i accept it was a kind of ‘higher will’ upon me, not to become a loving teacher but to become a loving student of Sun’s order on Earth, after my soul became mature enough and spot on, after finishing my 18 years of organized revolution in the outer world.
I’m Cancer-ASC hence my ‘material’ is water and the way, water behaves is ‘my way’, born with Sun in Pisces, also water-element. Cancer dealing with the interior of things and persons , Pisces with the interior of God as man.
In other words, it is, like my loved mother in law (ASC Cancer, Sun Taurus) used to say:"I always went the lower way. " yes, the way of water is always the low way.
Hence Cancer has the lowest position in the zodiac, while Capricorn the highest. And Cancer’s
water is symbol of the floating i n n e r reality of all living things, physically and psychically.
Well, my stable condition since the last 40 years avec now some arthropathic pains, contains watching heaven's and earth’s constant quarrel and love connection, between ‘angels’ and ‘devils’ with all that suffering the poison of the latter and all that recuperation with the former, each having places projected on this planet.
I’m now aging on free hidden territory, incl a creative Vineyard with grapes of analysis and poetry from the northern and the southern hemisphere.
And as disciple of astrology I’m spending my order and my experience freely to anybody in whose mind the powers of the zodiac are resounding.
Well, this is of the kind of what introverts can do, to make world in man an easier to bear
place, with an outlook into a life beyond our present time in temporality.
In a kind of way, I’m conscious of being a ‘egocentric’ paradox, contrary to the revolutionary logic of ‘no longer to bear things the way they are’.
But to me, a logic and consciousness only moving around what the enemy does, seems like a
captivity, by the black hole, one might be looking into for too long (see Nietzsche), with the danger, to be sucked in, instead of nursing the own unknown unique creative prong, each one is destined for any.
Murnau, 4. 11. 2020, UTC 19:57.